Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is the time of year when families across the country come together to do one very sacred thing: BITCH. Emotions are scarred, verbal daggers are thrown, and someone will invariably get drunk and dig up the “past”. But isn’t that what family’s about? Buried resentment and deep-rooted guilt?

So if you’re the only “normal” person in your family, here are some tips to make it through Thanksgiving day:

1. Never look anyone directly in their eyes.

2. Excuse yourself to go to the restroom for long periods of time.

3. Refrain from commenting on anyone’s appearance. Good or Bad.

4. Keep glancing at your cell phone with a worried expression. You might need an “out”.

5. Drink heavily.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Eat, Drink, and don’t be surprised if cousin Mark is now cousin “Mary”! Enjoy the day with your family, friends, and loved ones. And take pictures of the crime scene.